Tech support: "Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don’t have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P" on your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!